Yes it was this bad. Yes I'm strong. Yes I fall apart. Yes that's okay.

I'll be okay in the end.

But for now I fall apart and I'm falling, falling, falling back and getting up, ready to fly. And I turn back and back and back and I won't ever shut up again. And I'm falling and falling and falling and that's okay.

And I'm telling my truth and telling my story and my story turns darker and darker and darker and I'm falling and falling and falling apart. And that's okay.

There's a way right through the pain and again and again and again on repeat and I'm feeling and feeling and feeling more and more and more.

And it was so much, way too much, too much, too much, but I am not.

And in the end I'll be okay. And in the end I'll live - true to myself. And in the end all of these will be stories. But for now I'm falling and falling and falling. Until I hit the ground. True. Honest.

And I'm falling and falling and falling and don't know where the ground even is. How deep is this hole?

Will I ever be able to run away? Will I ever be able to protect myself? And I'm falling and falling and falling apart and stop hiding. Too much, too much, too much, but I am not.

What is normal? Where do you learn normal? And what to do when bad still is much better then what I was used to? Used for?

And fall and fall and fly and fight and get up and fall and fall and fall back down again. Into the pitch black night under the stars.

And there's so much beauty in all this. Beauty and strength and horror and unfelt feelings. And I'm falling and falling and falling and I'll be okay some day.

And here I stand. Strong. Powerful. Walking upright through the night. Using the middle of the road. Yes I'm strong. But falling, falling, falling apart.

And today I spoke my truth and the world didn't collapse around me. And I'm still standing but not very firmly cause I'm falling and falling and falling.

And the night folks stand just a little too close to me. Boundaries. What are boundaries? Am I safe? I wasn't. But I'm strong. And weak. And still falling.

And the world didn't collapse around me after I spoke my truth but the floor is moving and I'm not sure where I stand. But I stand closer to the truth. And I'm falling and falling and falling and allowing to be held. And still falling and falling and falling and that's okay.

And there are so many feelings that weren't allowed to be. So many uncried tears. Too much, too much, too much, but I am not.

Fight, flight, freeze, fawn. And falling and falling and falling. And again and again and again and again. Patterns. Familiar. And I'm sad and lonely and falling and falling and falling.